The growth of "I don't have friends" problem

I see many “I don’t have friends” posts. And neither do I. Recently, there are so many people sharing their stories, which are almost the same. As soon as I stop reaching out - nobody is there.

I figured that out years ago and back then I could not imagine this is something shareable. Now? I don’t care.

What matters to me is the fact it’s been this way for me for the entire life. I was never looking for a crowd. I was looking for some depth. And it is not what people want.

They want it when there’s something overwhelming, when something is too much. And there are people like me to show up. To support, help, calm down. Help lifting the weight. And when things got better we disappear. No more conversations, no support, no contact.

And that question I ask myself  “why should I initiate?” is real.

Even more. I used to do the same for businesses, for teams and people I’ve been working with. Everyone is happy their project to lift of. And the same people become extremely defensive as soon as they feel I might ask to share their success or ask for help. So I don't and I left. And here's the story.

I’ve been studying abroad, in a cosy and greenish polish city Rzeszow. And I come from Riga. I was driving home and back around 6-8 times per year. 1000 km one way. I was 20 and I was enjoying the trips. And taking those seriously.

And during those trips I’ve seen endless times how someone was pretending to be faster, taking more risks while overtaking and overall behaving agresively on the road. They were pushing hard to get into the front of the others no matter what. Sometimes - they get caught by the police. Sometimes - ended in a crash. One thing I knew: in most cases they will be left behind within the next 20km.

Not because I was driving a faster car. Because I knew my car, I knew the road and I had my tempo.

What’s in it for you?

People come and go. Make friends, loose friends. Enjoy time together. Use each other. But the main thing to do is to learn how to enjoy time alone.

You may loose your friends, your job, maybe family. One by one or all together. You may find yourself in a crowded room, completely disconnected. I haven’t really met myself until I was 33. Now I’m 37 and I feel I’m barelly halfway done.

I still go for that walk alone. Go for that trip alone. Take a ride. Stay aside. Say no. Disagree. Leave. Don’t make it a rule.

Be your best friend. Follow your tempo. Trust yourself.