Misleading goals

Yesterday I wrote about modern understanding of success and how it can mislead us. I shared an idea of endless loop of being not enough, not succesful enough and therefore always unhappy.

In today’s article is closely related to modern understanding of success and achieving results. However I want to explore it from the different perspective. It’s new to me, thefore we will explore it together.

Setting goals is important

We used to think this way: without having goals we’re drifting. It is easy to distract and derail modern human. Endless offers supported with dopamine hits. And we become silly, predictably irrational and controllable.

And now smart people out there are telling us - you have to have a goal to achieve. Pick a goal, define it, define a plan how you achieve it and you will get there. It will be yours. Intriguing promise.

What happens, when everything was done, time, effort and resources spent on planning but goal became even further away? You weren’t focused enough. You weren’t committed enough. You were not following the plan. No matter what are the words the thing is: you failed to do it right so you failed. The best way to get there? Try this new approach, learn from another course, attend coaching.

There is nothing wrong in these activities when these are well aligned. This is a great way to learn and share the knowledge. But problem is not the knowledge or the lack of knowledge. Problem is the life. The system each and everyone is living.

Humans don’t hit the goals

After a year of trying I started to have a feeling I start to understand what I’m doing wrong. It wasn’t the goal, nor the motivation. It wasn’t the methodology I’ve been using. That was the system. System of blind spots and unconscious decisions. System created and written by others, that was never meant to be mine.

The system that worked against me. Full of believes that wasn’t matching my personality. Decisions based on this system were leading me to wrong place, despite the great goals and plans.

There is always a place for an accidental event in life. These are natural risks. No matter what we do and how great we are - we can’t avoid these. The same way it is not possible to solve all the problems so there are no problems. These are false expectations.

Everyday’s challenges

When I started to approaching these problems as challenges and an occasion to shine - everything changed. A subtle mindset shift became a booster, endless source of motivation and field for improvements. Then I started to notice I run out of fuel from time to time.

Battling those small daily challenges to find a time and put effort into things that matters. And it wasn’t lasting. Maybe months, before something new happens. This gave me the wisdom and taught me to feel the moment. Because everything passes by.

This was the moment I realized - there must be more than that. And it is there. Systems. Building own systems that leads me to the goal. And those systems involves other people. In order to build reliable enough system - we have to be good at communication. Every sort of it. You can often hear “learn sales and marketing”. Yes, learn it if you want.

But you can learn empathy and listening and become 1 in a 10.000 who actually cares and helps. Not just selling to close a deal. Making a real impact.

Goals are limiting us

And now the part why this article was created. Once the system is built and it starts to work - comes a consideration. Are my goals limiting me? What will happen when I reach it? Am I meant for even more?

And I have a proof for this. Cycling a lot taught me this lesson. Brain is the first that gives up. Body lasts much longer, before it really hits the limits and needs a break. But that thought “oh, that’s enough for today” - this is the enemy #1.

System is not a blind grinding and repeating actions again and again. This is the way to burn out and having unhappy life. System has safeguards, system means there are limits, boundaries, protections.

Without having a goal and relying on a well designed system life becomes and endless path. At this point of my life it starts to feel what it should be. A path, without a clear goal. A path, that nobody knows the next turn. No guides, no leads. Path, that will end one day. Nobody knows when. That’s the deal.

Being sold to the goals that gives an illusion of success was never working for me. Following my values bravely and building system that supports it and gives others an island of safety near me - this must be the way to go. No more goals. Now it’s next move instead.