Fear is actually a superpower

It is used the wrong way too often.

Last week was tough. The events happening around my family were causing stress and uncertainty. When loved ones experience pain due to health issues, it rarely improves. However, when family stirs up fear, it becomes much worse.

This is the second version of the article, focusing on the context and outcomes rather than delving deeply into the situation itself. It all started with a treatment that did not go well, leading my beloved family member to the hospital. To clarify, it was not an emergency or a dead end, but the situation required action. Actions were taken.

Atmosphere of Fear

I was not afraid of the situation. I rationalized my fears about death, including the fact that older family members will naturally leave earlier. This does not take away the pain or make it easier, but it does help me focus on the amazing time we can spend together today. Happy moments that are happening and those I can create for us—that is what matters.

However, it took a significant amount of time to face the fear (not only related to my family) and learn a healthier perspective. Unfortunately, it is not possible to simply upload a fresh firmware into other people's brains, which is how I found myself in the middle of a huge fear bubble.

Fear paralyzes our will and drains our strength. I recognized the issues, but it was too late. We do not repair a burning house before extinguishing the fire and removing the debris. The same approach applies to a toxic environment. First, get out, then take time to recover, and finally improve. If I had stuck to my own rules, I might not have fallen so deeply into exaggerated problems.

To Suffer or Not

The reason I am writing this is a single phrase about being rewarded for all the suffering. I am not adopting my old mindset, so I am taking the reward by reflecting on the situation in this article.

Although I spent time, effort, and resources on going to the hospital and spending time there, it did not consume most of my day. Nevertheless, I failed to keep working and following my routine, which led to me being fully consumed by the problem. And we never solve a problem from the inside. The solution is always outside.

What went wrong? I skipped my routine, felt paralyzed, and was unable to communicate clearly or make plans. I was drifting again. How do I know this? On the third day, I realized I wanted to play video games again. Since ending my last contract six months ago, I had not felt such an urge. There were too many tasks more interesting or important. My tasks. None were present; I felt unreachable.

And the suffering? Aside from physical pain and mild mental pain for the loved one who does not feel well, everything beyond it seems like mental masturbation. I am not blaming anyone but myself. I want to make it clear that no one but me is responsible for losing focus.

The Outcomes

While pain and suffering are great teachers, we must be great learners. Sitting tight and waiting for imaginary rewards is not how it works. Being consumed by fear and becoming afraid of our fear is not how we deal with it. There is no lesson in that.

Questioning myself about fear and its real reasons, and finding sincere answers, guides me through these challenges. Unfortunately, our brains are wired to lie to ourselves. Last week was the culmination of the lessons I learned over the summer.

The most important person is me. I must stay sincere with myself to grow. I experienced this insight last year, but over the summer, I saw many examples of how things go wrong when we fail. It is hard to admit that we fear for others not because of our empathy but because we fear our own survival without them. We fear the changes and challenges that their absence would bring. Fear of staying alone—these are just a few examples.

Being honest and brave enough to face our fears opens our endless potential. Our ancestors did this; people today do this. There is a book title or a quote I saw the other day: "Success is on the other side of fear."

And "the path is made by walking." When you leave the crowded basement and reach the fresh air, it becomes an interesting (yet challenging) journey.

Take care, stay happy!