The hardest part of the growth

It is leaving things and people behind, while the world arounds us stays almost the same. And it feels like a huge weight. Selling an old TV becomes a problem. Creating offer for old PC - challenging.

From one side - these are items I’m rarely using and someone might make a good use of it and be happy. On the other side, letting them go feels strangely difficult. Almost like trading away a small piece of my past.

Now, when I’m getting back to leftovers of the memories I had - this might be it! I bought this TV almost 10 years ago, when me and my wife moved to our current home. It wasn’t our place. Plethora of foreign items - that was the part of the deal. And we’ve been trying to make this space a bit more friendly for us. And then one day I understood - we shall get a TV, so there is at least one spot we could chill. And I went to the shop and bought my first TV ever. To put it in my home, like I wanted. For the first time in my life.

And now, remembering this - it feels both: silly and important. It confirms something I realized recently about my life. I learned, I recognized it - but it’s hard to accept.

I was preferring to stay low, keep silence. That’s safer. That’s what most wanted of me. To shine only when allowed. Express? The way they want. And then getting that TV. And other items. And now getting rid of it is emotionally challenging. And silly.

And it requires a lot to understand it’s not about TV. It’s about what it represents. For the first time, it was my decision. My money. My place to live. My rules.

Looking back, I realize why this feels so important. I spent a lot of my life trying to fit into expectations that were not mine. Stay quiet. Don’t take too much space. Shine only when allowed. Express myself in ways that felt acceptable to others.

Maybe that’s why letting go feels difficult. Not because of the object itself, but because it reminds me of the moments when I started making choices on my own terms.

The joy of experiencing something is paid for with the bitterness of parting. It is not about old items. That’s about us. That’s why letting go is difficult. Not because of the object itself, but because it reminds us who we were when we got it.