I am at the point of my journey where I am still looking for a long-term goals. It somehow became a bit magic. For years I was thinking I have nothing to talk about. And that was partially true, because my brain was condition the way that was crying and suffering. Then suffering and crying.

Stopping this loop by quitting everything that did not make me happy was hard, but that was the most necessary action. Then I started to rewire my brains, looking for patterns to actually avoid suffering. Pain became an indicator: “don’t go there, it’s not for you”. Not all and not always, but mostly that’s the wait to treat it. Fear of pain goes away when you know how to deal with the pain.

And now, after rewiring is mostly done and I am not locking myself in to suffering and world looks different - something unexpected happened. It became hard for me to listen and consume videos about areas I am truly interested in.

And no, it did not became boring. Instead my brains start to sparkle after I hear a few meaningful sentences, a new perspective I have not experienced before. This is like a door opening in front of me - there is so much behind it. And there starts the fountain of the thought.

While some are weird - others are inspiring and innovative (at least for me). At current point I usually pick one of this thought to post about it that night. At first I feel emptiness after I did it quite intensively - recording video content and writing a few articles day by day. The inner voice went silent. I was unsure when it will get back.

It went back within a week. With even more ideas, even faster and deeper reaction to high quality material. At this point it became so intense I can barely finish a 15 minutes-long video or podcast. I drift away into my own thoughts, exploring ideas and re-validating experience I had (this is not the best thing to do, though).

The more I write - the more I get. Out of nowhere. Without a plan. I am not sure where that’s common and others are ignoring it. I don’t feel I can ignore it anymore.

Definitely I am not short on ideas what to write about every night. Sometimes it’s hard to choose. And most of the time inner critic is not happy with the ideas. It says these are silly. Right now. Like I can care less.

The goal is set and steps must be done. So I hit this publish button again.