It does not matter how far or long I’m going. I’m always taking myself with me. For years I was running away from this. By taking music, books, podcasts, people to entertain me. Because spending time with others is valuable and good. But is it good for everyone, is there a suitable time for it? For years I’ve been ignoring these questions.
Ignoring questions and inner voice is a part of our endless power - the power of choice. And I wrote about this previously in “Giving up on painkillers” articles. Articles where I exposed by weakness and wrong decisions approaching so many aspects of my life. But ignoring myself wasn’t a painkiller. It was a pain.
Out thoughts aren’t ours
The best comparison I’ve heard was comparing our thoughts with listening to the radio. We tune a frequency and we’re listening to the sounds that are emitted by a radio station. Does it mean everything we hear is ours? An information, a music, a noise? No. We can passively listen to it or ignore it more or less consciously.
The same happens with our mind - we fine-tune to a “station” and are able to receive some signals, that are thoughts. Try it out - you need bits of attention to note the quality of thoughts.
Then the other day surround yourself with positive thoughts - positive videos, books, people. Convert all the problems to interesting challenges. That won’t be easy, but at some point mind will start receiving better ideas. But that’s not all.
“I” is my attention
The energy is flowing where the attention is. It is easy to get trapped by thoughts, deep diving into a random thought, that may have no meaningful impact. The power of habits is playing a destructive role here, if that’s the habit of thinking random thoughts. That’s the lack of discipline of a mind.
Sometimes, my best solution is to say myself: “Stop thinking about the non-existing situation and make up all those dialogues with people, who exist in my head”. This disturbs my logical mind enough to get out of the endless loop. It’s easy to get on a different level, sum-up the details, figure out what worries me and move on, living a real life.
The quality of thoughts determines our life
If we can control our thoughts - we can control how we feel right now. If I can make myself feel good - I love to spend more time with myself. But if I’m bringing endless amount of problems and let them sit in my mind - obviously it raises discomfort.
In constant discomfort it is naturally to wish some rest without it. And modern world has so many available distractors: endless possibilities to reach people (mostly online), games, visual and sound materials (movies, books, podcasts). Bored of these? There is a next level: travel, sports, risks, chemicals.
It is important to avoid demonizing most of these things. While there are purely destructive approaches - the bigger part of this is a great thing. It may be inspiring to play a good game and get access to some emotions or states. Or travel around and meet new people, to learn their perspective. Or listen to the music or read a book each exposing different aspects of the world.
However all above can’t be a substitute nor a way to silence the voice of the Soul. Voice that must be heard. A mind must be cleaned up and disconnected from the outer world in order to hear that.
Following that voice is probably even more frightful and challenging. But getting the mind under control and not letting it to follow any random thought randomly is the way out. That was the way I became a friend with myself. That was the way to enjoy the silence, the conversation, the music, the party and the loneliness.
Being closer to be. To be who I really am.