Sometimes, I feel the urge to travel through my ideas and share the journey. While the other days I open my editor and stare at the blank page for a while. Like today.

And this is not because I have nothing to write about. That’s because there are so many things I want to write about. But I need to choose just one or a couple at max.

We used to think staring into the void is a sign of no ideas. In reality it’s not the void. It’s the chaos. Crowded room where there is a noice. And we can’t hear a word. A word said by our heart.

Avoiding the emptiness

Today it is easier than ever before to avoid the emptiness. The variety of helpers, entertainers, distractors are available. AI being the biggest and shiniest toy at this point in time. I am not arguing about LLMs being useful tools to process lots of information. We needed such a tool. But we make it another source of entertainment for our brain.

Because LLM occupies our thoughts and brains, shaping information flow even more than ever before. It is becoming so condensed and feels so valuable, that it is even harder to stop. Stop consuming, saying “no”. Occupied brain can’t hear what a soul is saying. And that’s the real source of creativity and innovation.

We can’t put anything into the barrel when it’s full. And we are now building and advancing tool that pumps water (information) into our barrels (minds) with a crazy speed. And then, when we accidentally stop, we feel lost. In that silence, when noise is gone and whisper is barely heard it’s frightening. Luckily that’s just a moment.

Mastering starting over

Giving up on any habit is just like starting something new. First step is the hardest. The first moments of silence are the hardest just like anything else. It means that it’s enough to know it is not meant to be always this way. This one thought already helps.

And then, when we see a place to put a next step - we can actually make a step. And then the next one. And guess what? With each step it becomes easier to make a next one. Mastering steps after steps we may even try to skip a step and jump forward. That’s a risk that might be worth it.

And then we fail. At least we think we did so. If there was silence and emptiness around - it’s not anymore. It’s pain and the anger visiting us at first. And what we do most of the time? We take the pain trying to reject the anger. And this is a moment when we really fail.

Because anger does not come to harm us or to make us harm the world around. It comes to boost us, to force us standing up fast and... start again. From emptiness and silence. With that fire inside. Fire that burns, but it’s not causing the pain. It burns the pain.

And we are determined and starting over. Event it seems impossible. Even it’s hard. Even dreams and expectations did not work out. And the next thing. We perceive falling down as a failure. Plans weren’t good enough. World is evil. And other lies are awakening in our mind to mask the truth.

And the truth is - that’s a part of the path. That’s a step that looks differently. That’s a step we tried to avoid but we could not. That’s a step, that led us to a milestone. A milestone that shapes the next steps.

In modern world, where we are chasing distractions, comfort and comfortable distraction we forget what real life is. Pain is a part of it, like joy. And anger - is a source of energy. Like your energy bar during a long ride. When used incorrectly - leads to problems. When mastered and used for the right purpose within the right context - gives a boost and let us go for longer.