End of the year is the time of summing things up. I have been thinking about the topic for about a month and got at least few options how do write it. Initially I was planning to briefly go over a half-a-dozen categories and share what was good and what was bad. When I finished this part I found out I have so much to say and it is way more than I planned for a single article. Therefore from a single summarizing article it must grow to a series of articles.

Nomination #1: The book that opened my eyes.

As an introduction I would like to mention the fact that if you want to read more and you think paperback books are too heavy or inconvenient you should get yourself a dedicated device for reading. I was always distracted when reading on iPad or iPhone. I got a great present from my lovely wife last year - a brand new Kindle and it boosted me to read. Great device that travels with me a lot, even on a short bicycle trips. It was such an awesome time reading great books in the sun by the seaside after a 10-20km ride. I am looking forward for the summer now :)

Right before getting back to the books I think it is worth to mention I could spend entire days on reading. This not only gave me a feeling of getting proper rest, as the way I feel my brain is working during reading is very different comparing to consuming more advanced content like video or gaming. I went through the child books I enjoyed decades ago. I read books that I listened to as audiobook previously (like “1984”). Both often provide valuable explanation of what is happening in a modern world in a non-direct, sometimes even silly or exaggerated form. I feel it helps me to take a look on the well known topics from a different angle.

The book that boosted my understanding of having a broken value system, that was keeping me down was titled “Toxic Positivity: Keeping it real in a world obsessed with being happy” by Whitney Goodman.

The moment I have passed through the middle of the book I knew it is the best reading for my personal development in 2023. I have been struggling with setting boundaries and actually understanding own wishes. One of the missing aspect was me getting shamed with feeling bad about something, feeling “negative” emotions and overall becoming a negative voice.

During reading the book I learned how important it is to acknowledge and understand any emotion. Moreover most of the time it is fine to express the emotions or feelings with simple words (in parallel I learned about powerful technique of “me” messages).

Negative or “bad” emotions are as good as positive emotions.

What is so special about not dealing with emotions on a good and bad basis? It is important to listen and to understand emotions as an internal voice, no matter what flavor is attached to the specific emotion by the society. Emotions are feedback of our self, not more or less. When we express our negative emotions we should not allow anybody to mute us down with “being so negative in such a positive world”.

Emotional intelligence is not about replacing “bad” with “good” or trick yourself or convince that it is not so bad to feel these “bad emotions”.

Let’s imagine you are using compass and arrow is pointing to the South, not the North. Is it bad direction? Is it the bad South that must be immediately replaced by the good North? Absolutely silly, yet this examples is great to demonstrate how deep some toxic concepts have been implemented in to our value system.

If by any chance this article will hit the author I would be glad my appreciate reaches the destination. Thank you very much for picking and showing forced positivity as a toxic, I would say even abusive behavior.

I recommend this book for those, who are uncertain about their rights, their feelings and are forced into mindset that “having ... (put here anything: carrier/work, family, car, flat) is not so bad, so don’t be ungrateful”. Do not get drawn in negativity, that is important, but do not cancel or hide your emotions, feeling, attitude you are experiencing because someone says you should not do that. Ask yourself “why” instead. Why I feel it? What I do not like? Why I feel guilty for getting promotion? Why I am feeling sad about annual bonus?

Reassuming There are no “good” or “bad” emotions. We have all rights to feel at any moment exactly what we feel. We might feel sad about that bonus, because this is the right moment for us to understand we earned that with trading the time with the loved and now we are unhappy with the results. Do not focus and do not blame yourself. The best action in this situation is to make a different decision today, that will lead to a different result. Then listen to your emotions: feeling better? Great, stay there. Not as bad but not great? Well, one more option to try.

Make your decision, get responsibility for the emotions you are feeling. Next time make a better decision and enjoy the changes.

Sooner or later everyone will reach Fathers home. Do your best and choose your path. You still may suffer sometimes, but you will love it more, ‘cause this is yours.